


flying too close to the sun

by BlackAngelis



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Happy Ending, Incest, Sibling Incest, Unresolved Sexual Tension, burning love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-12
Updated: 2020-04-12
Packaged: 2021-03-01 16:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23610178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackAngelis/pseuds/BlackAngelis
Summary: Tyrion is burning with desire. If Cersei is the sun, then he's a thousand stars.
Relationships: Cersei Lannister & Tyrion Lannister, Cersei Lannister/Jaime Lannister (minor), Cersei Lannister/Tyrion Lannister
Comments: 13
Kudos: 35





	flying too close to the sun

Tyrion is very young when he finds out what love is. One look at Jaime and Cersei and suddenly it's all crystal clear.

They can hide, they can lie, they can pretend, but he knows. He's always known.

"You can't tell anyone," Jaime tells him. "It must remain a secret."

He glances at his golden sister, her beaufitul hair, her scornful smile.

"I will never tell anyone," he promises.

.

Years go by. Tyrion remains silent as he watches his golden siblings explore all the different aspects of love.

Cersei hates him, and it breaks his heart every day a little bit more. When Jaime asks him whether it bothers him, he simply shrugs.

"I don't care. I don't like her."

What a liar he is.

.

He dreams of Cersei – her lioness mane, her bright green eyes, her soft voice. One day, he starts dreaming of her lips, her breasts, her whole body.

He wakes up short of breath.

.

He wishes he had his own twin in this world, so he wouldn't long after Jaime's.

.

Father solds her off to Robert Baratheon. There is nothing Jaime can do about it.

There is nothing _Tyrion_ can do about it.

"It makes me sick, picturing her with this pig," Jaime tells him, clenching his fists.

Tyrion despairs because he understands that Cersei will never be his, he'll never taste her red lips, he'll never feel her arms wrapped around him.

He needs to forget her face. He needs to forget her very existence.

.

He marries Tysha. She's a beautiful girl, he'll give her that, but she isn't Cersei and she'll never be. It makes him sad.

Jaime tells him about Cersei's wedding night, about the name Robert whispered in her ear. It makes him angry.

The whole thing with Tysha turns out to be a joke. Anyway, she simply wasn't enough.

.

No woman will ever be enough.

Cersei is a sun he's flying too close to.

.

She gets pregnant.

One glance at Jaime and he knows who the father is. He closes his eyes and imagines golden hair and green eyes – but not his own.

Jealousy is a sun as burning as Cersei.

.

For years he watches her from afar. He cries whenever Robert rapes her, dreams of killing him.

He cries whenever she sneaks into Jaime's room, dreams she would just sneak into his own.

His bed is too large, too empty, so he closes his eyes and pictures his sweet sister asleep beside him.

He wishes for his dream to come true.

.

Robert dies. Jaime is away. It's just Tyrion and Cersei, now.

She still hates him but sometimes, she comes to drink with him. Wine brings them together. It's not much but he savors every moment as if there will never be another. She tells him how she hates being a woman, she tells him how she hated Robert.

She tells him how she loves Jaime.

"I love him too," he whispers.

.

He does love Jaime, but he also hates him.

He wants Cersei to be his sun, and his only.

.

Whores aren't close to be enough. Shae is a nice girl, he even likes her, but whenever he sends for her, he always thinks of Cersei.

_Cersei, Cersei, Cersei, Cersei._

It's a haunting mantra.

.

Jaime is dead. The Starks sent them his head.

Cersei runs into her bedchamber and weeps for an entire day. Tyrion sheds a few tears.

Tears of sadness, because his brother is gone.

Tears of joy, because his sister could finally be his after all this time.

.

Cersei feels lonely. Her other half has been taken from her, she now has a hole in her heart. Sometimes, she finds herself wandering in the Red Keep and her steps lead her to Tyrion's bedchamber.

"I can't believe he's gone," she whispers. "I have no one."

"You have me," he says.

She laughs scornfully.

"You're not Jaime."

"I'm your brother too."

For an instant, she forgets that she's supposed to hate him with all her heart, perhaps because there's a hole in it, and she kneels and pulls him close, burying her face in his neck. His face is pressed against her breasts. He stops breathing.

 _Heaven_ , he thinks.

"You're definitely not Jaime," she says, letting go of him.

Her lips are close, too close. He wants to kiss them so much that it hurts.

"I'm your brother," he repeats.

"Maybe," she admits before walking away.

.

Father makes him marry Sansa Stark, a lovely girl who certainly doesn't deserve any of this. He doesn't touch her because she's still a child.

He doesn't touch her because she's not Cersei.

One day, he storms into his sister's bedchamber while she's having a bath. He freezes.

"What is it?" Cersei asks.

For the first time, he can see her breasts, barely hidden from his eyes by her long golden hair.

His brain is a mess, he no longer knows what he's doing here.

"I... I..."

She smiles, amused.

"Have you lost your tongue, sweet brother?"

He doesn't even hear what she says. He thinks about how easy it would be to climb into the tub and take her. She must see the lust in his eyes because she almost looks confused.

He's getting hard, and she notices.

Cersei is no fool. She understands at once.

The secret he's kept so well for all these years has just shattered to pieces.

"I... I should go," he mutters before running out of the room.

.

He avoids Cersei. He could never bear to see a mocking glint in her eyes. He loves her, but how could she love him back? He's always known this dream of his isn't likely to come true.

One day, Cersei sends for him. He makes himself go, his head bowed.

She watches him enter her bedchamber in silence as they both remember what happened the last time he was here.

"So," she says after a while. "You want me."

This is no question and it's too late for lies.

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"Since we were young."

"I see."

She rises to her feet and stands right before him.

"But there's more than just desire, isn't there?"

"Yes."

"You love me."

"I do."

He thought she would just laugh and command him to get out, but she doesn't.

"What about your wife?"

"Sansa is a child. I never touched her, never wanted to."

"What about this whore of yours?"

"I like her. She warms my bed just fine. But she isn't you."

"I see," she says for the second time.

She sits back down and pours two glasses of wine.

"Let's have a drink, brother."

.

Tyrion would give anything to read Cersei's thoughts.

It's almost as if she's toying with him. She likes talking to him while she's having a bath but she asks him to look away when she gets out of the tub. She lets him sit on her bed but not lie down on it. Sometimes, she even kisses his cheek, but never his lips.

"I don't understand what you want from me," he tells her, desperate.

"What do _you_ want from me?"

"You already know that."

He takes her hand and kisses it gently.

 _I want you. I love you_ , he wants to scream.

Cersei tosses her hair and sighs.

"I suppose I do."

.

He's flying too close to the sun.

Cersei will burn him to death, and he'll gladly let her.

.

"You can sleep in my bed tonight," Cersei tells him. "But we're just going to sleep, nothing more. Do you understand?"

"I do," Tyrion answers, too puzzled to say anything else.

Her loneliness must be like despair – like his own despair, he reflects. When the night comes, he crawls into her cold bed.

"Can I at least hold you tight?" he asks. "I won't try anything, I swear."

"All right."

He wraps his arms around her and pulls her close. He'd die to feel her lips against his own but he made her a promise. He's willing to wait.

One day, they will be one.

.

Shae gets jealous. Tyrion can't really blame her – he knows the feeling.

"I saw you the other night," she cries. "You sneaked into your sister's room."

"She wanted to talk to me."

"The whole night? I'm not stupid."

He should have been more careful. He knows he's going to regret it someday.

"I've seen the way you look at her. Did you fuck her?"

"Of course not."

_But I wish I had._

_._

He eventually sends Shae away. Cersei is the only woman he wants and the only woman he cannot have.

He dreams of her every night, always wakes up trembling, short of breath, always fights to resist the urge to kiss her when she allows him to share her bed.

"Do you still want me?" she whispers one night, smiling, pretending not to know.

"Of course I do."

"Do you think I'm beautiful?"

"Yes."

"More beautiful than your young, pretty wife?"

"More beautiful than any woman in this world."

She's satisfied, so she decides to give him something at last.

"You can touch me, but that's all."

"Really?"

"Yes."

Still hesitant, he starts caressing her breasts through her nightgown, gently pinching her nipples. Cersei moans so he climbs on top of her and touches her everywhere, her neck, her arms, her belly. He's getting harder by the second. As he tries to slip his hand between her legs, she stops him, grabbing his wrist.

"Wait. Not there."

"Oh."

Disappointed, he rolls off, excitation slowly going away. Cersei kisses his cheek as an apology.

"Not yet."

.

Tyrion is burning with desire. If Cersei is the sun, then he's a thousand stars.

.

Joffrey is to marry Margaery very soon. Cersei barely has time to talk to him. At night, she doesn't send for him anymore. He begins to think that she has forgotten him.

The morning of the wedding, he visits her in her room. As always, he's blown away when he looks at her, so blown away that he forgets to be angry.

"You're beautiful."

"Thank you, brother."

She waves her hand, meaning for him to sit beside her on the bed.

"I miss you," Tyrion says.

"I know."

"I love you, but I feel like I'm nothing to you."

"You're wrong."

"Do you love me?"

_Do you love me the way you loved Jaime?_

"I don't know," she admits. "I like you, I do, but-"

"I'm not Jaime, that's true. But I'm not Robert either. I'll never hurt you, I'll never force you to do anything."

"I know," she sighs. "It's just... the bad memories, they never left."

Any man must remind her of the former king. Jaime didn't, but Jaime was different, he was her other half. Tyrion wishes he could bring Robert back to life, so he could be the one to kill him.

He puts one hand on her cheek.

"You can trust me. I love you. Let me prove it to you."

She doesn't reply so he reaches forward and finally kisses her lips like he's always dreamed to. They both roll on the bed as he makes an attempt to take off her beautiful gown.

"Wait," Cersei says, trying to catch her breath between two kisses. "Not now, there's no time."

"But-"

"Tonight," she promises. "After the wedding. We'll have all the night."

He nods and steals a last kiss from her.

This day is going to be the longest in his entire life.

.

This day is probably the worst in his entire life.

Joffrey collapses on the ground, choking and screaming, but his screams aren't as terrible as Cersei's. When he looks into her eyes, he sees the glint of betrayal.

He lets the guards seize him and take him to the black cells, flabbergasted, unable to think clearly.

"It wasn't me," he tells Cersei when she visits him later, throwing himself at her feet. "I swear, it wasn't me."

"Wasn't it?" she replies, but she's not as angry as he expected.

"I love you, Cersei. I didn't like Joffrey, that's true, but I would never have touched him because he was your son. Jaime's son. I love you, you must know I do."

Her eyes burn him for a few more seconds then she lowers her head and sighs, defeated.

"I know."

"What's going to happen to me?"

"Father thinks you're guilty. There will be a trial."

"Father wants me dead. I'll never survive this."

"Yes you will."

She kisses his forehead and leaves.

.

Cersei doesn't attend his trial.

Cersei isn't here when he demands a trial by combat.

Cersei is absent when the Mountain crushes Oberyn Martell's skull.

Tyrion looks for her shadow, but never finds it.

.

"You have to go," she tells him, sneaking into his cell in the dead of night.

She frees him from his chains.

"Why?"

"Go," she repeats without answering. "Go, before it's too late."

"Come with me."

"No."

He takes her hand and squeezes it.

"Come with me, please."

"I can't."

"You have no love, here. I'm the one who loves you, and I swear to you, I'll love you for the rest of my life."

In the dark, he can't see the water gathering in her eyes.

"I can't come with you."

Silence.

"I don't love you. I don't know what you were thinking, but I really don't. We had fun, I'll give you that, but there was nothing more. I'll be just fine without you."

It hurts. It burns.

"Now _go_."

He's the one who's feeling betrayed this time.

He runs out of the cell, and doesn't glance back.

.

He kills Shae, this lying whore who couldn't bear to see him love another woman.

He kills his father, the man who wanted him dead for being a dwarf.

He tries to kill his love for Cersei, his sister who was never his and never will be.

.

He flew too close to the sun, and he got burned.

He'll never recover.

.

There is a new life in Essos, a new queen. Daenerys is beautiful, he must admit it. He won't get burned this time.

He helps her because he thinks he might forget Cersei doing so, but whenever he looks up at the sun, he realizes it will never happen.

.

She didn't love him. He was a toy for her to use and then toss aside.

He loves her, but he also hates her.

.

Years go by so fast. He hears about Cersei's walk of shame and pretends not to care. When the night comes, he cries into his pillow for hours.

Daenerys takes him back to Westeros. He waits for the day she will fly to King's Landing, the day he'll get to see his own sun again. He wonders whether there is something left of him for her to burn.

.

During the Dragonpit meeting, he tries to catch Cersei's eye but she avoids his gaze on purpose. She refuses to help them against the army of the dead and simply walks away. He runs after her, of course.

"So," she says when he walks into her bedchamber, exactly like he used to years ago. "You found yourself another queen."

"Because the one I loved didn't want me and didn't love me back."

She lets out a bitter laugh. She's even more beautiful than she was the last time he saw her, even though her golden mane is a thing of the past.

"I guess you're not so clever, after all."

"What do you mean?"

"Did you really believe the things I told you when I freed you?"

"You were pretty convincing..."

"I had to be, otherwise you would never have left."

He's feeling a lump in his throat.

"So... you lied to me?"

He comes near her and brushes her cheek with his fingers.

"Yes. I thought you loved me enough to understand, but I can see I was wrong."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I felt betrayed. I loved you so much..."

She covers his hand with her own.

"I _love_ you so much," he corrects after a while.

"And yet you show up with a queen who wants to destroy me."

"She won't. I won't let her."

She sighs.

"You need to help us against the army of the dead."

"Why? So she can take my throne and kill me?"

"That will not happen. Trust me. I failed you... It won't happen again. Please, trust me."

She studies his face carefully.

"What if I asked you to kill the Dragon Queen?"

"I would do it. I would do anything for you, anything. Please, you need to believe me."

He can't resist any longer. He wraps his arms around her and gives her a gentle kiss. She gladly kisses him back.

"I've missed you," he whispers. "I've missed you so much."

"I know.... I've missed you too."

She gets up and leads him to her bed, pushing him onto it.

"If I help you, you will help me keep my crown, is that it?"

"I promise I will."

The sun is burning in her eyes.

"In that case... we can seal our deal now."

She lies down on the bed.

"I'm yours. You can have me."

His dream is about to come true at last. He should be euphoric and a part of him definitely is but this isn't how he wanted it to happen.

"No."

"What?"

"Not like this. I want more."

"I don't understand."

"I want a wedding night."

Her eyes widen as she sits up.

"I want to marry you. I want you to be mine."

He knows she dreamed of marrying Jaime, once. He wonders whether she'd ever marry another – even her other brother.

"No one needs to know. It will be our secret."

He realizes what he's asking and what it means, he fears it may be too much, fears she'll just send him away, away from her, away from his sun.

"Is that really what you want?"

"It is."

She closes her eyes, probably thinking of Jaime, probably thinking she's about to betray him. Tyrion feels guilty, although he doesn't show it. He feels like he's stealing something that was never his.

"Fine. I'll marry you... if I'm still the Queen."

He understands what is implied, what is at stake here, and nods. She kisses him goodbye.

"Never betray me again," she whispers in his ear.

.

Anything, anything for Cersei. Anything for the sun.

.

Daenerys dies during the Long Night. She could have been a great queen, Tyrion knows. He'll even miss her, but she was the moon.

He chose the sun.

.

"People are tired of the war. Sansa is willing to let you stay on the Throne if you give the North its independence."

Cersei sighs, as if she were annoyed.

"Well, I guess I don't have a choice."

"I didn't betray you," Tyrion says.

For the first time since he returned to her, a slight smile appears on her lips.

"I know."

She's aware of what he's waiting for her to say, that's why she's making him wait, toying with him the way she used to years ago, bringing back pleasant memories.

"It seems we have a wedding to plan," she tells him when sparkles of desperation appear in his eyes.

He pulls her close, thankful.

.

"You asked me once if I loved you," Cersei says the day before the secret ceremony.

"I did."

"I still don't know if I do, but I do know I could never love you as much as I loved Jaime," she admits.

"I know," he replies, he's always known, Cersei was never his twin, he was never her other half.

"Do you want to marry me anyway?"

"Yes."

He takes her hands, bringing them to his lips.

"You may not love me now but one day you will," he promises.

She already feels something for him, for if she didn't she would never have let him kiss her lips and touch her body, she would never have agreed to marry him.

.

"So," Tyrion whispers, nervous as he closes the door behind him. "It's done. You're my wife."

"Well, isn't that what you wanted?" she replies.

"It is, it is."

It's the moment he's waited years for, haunting his nights and his days, burning in his dreams and his fantasies, and yet he just stands here, having no idea what to do.

"Are you afraid?" Cersei asks.

"Yes," he admits, shameful.

"Stop worrying, everything is going to be fine."

She takes his hand and they both climb on the bed. He's surprised she lets him be on top, surprised that the memory of her first wedding night doesn't make her want to take control.

"I trust you," she smiles.

He nods and begins to kiss her, showing how much he loves her. Their clothes fall on the ground and he finally sees her naked. He takes his time to appreciate how perfect her body is.

"You're beautiful."

He takes her gently. There's no need to be rough, there has been too much roughness in their lives already.

" _Cersei_ ," he whispers in her ear. What a fool Robert was, thinking of another woman while his queen was the most beautiful woman in the world. " _Cersei, Cersei, Cersei._ "

There is now a joyful light in her eyes. It all feels good, so good, _too_ good.

"Cersei, I'm going to-"

"Stay inside," she whispers. "I want to carry your child."

He finishes inside her and collapses on top of her, desperately trying to catch his breath as a thousand suns burn inside him.

"I'm sorry," he says, embarrassed. "I'm sorry it didn't last longer, but it was so good that I couldn't-"

"Don't worry about that," she replies, almost laughing. "It's fine."

"No it's not."

So he buries his face between her legs until she starts shaking, burning with pleasure, crying his name.

"I love you," he says when she wraps her arms around him.

As he's about to fall asleep, happier than he's ever been before, she murmurs:

"I think I may love you too."

.

He'll fly too close to the sun for the rest of his life because getting burned is the only thing that truly makes him feel alive.

**Author's Note:**

> The title comes from the song "Close to the sun" by Guano Apes.


End file.
